


absolutely, positively

by decidueye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, akaashi waxes poetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10053524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decidueye/pseuds/decidueye
Summary: “I know you aren’t deaf, Bokuto-san,” Keiji says. It’s probably better to spell it out for Bokuto, and to lay all of his cards on the table, whilst he’s in the mood for brutal honesty. “You’re not stupid, either, even if you sometimes pretend to be. It’s impossible for you to not be aware about what our teammates say about you - and our relationship.”Set immediately after chapter 244. Akaashi decides to take Sarukui's advice and tell Bokuto how he feels.





	

**Author's Note:**

> chapter 244 cured 4 months of crippling, painful writers' block and sent me into an emotionally driven trance until i finished writing this. thanks to ripley (tivruskis) for beta'ing as soon as they came through the door and also for listening to me rant on and on about akaashi's self esteem links with bokuto until canon decided to confirm it ♥

“Why don’t you try saying that to his face?”

Sarukui’s words wash over Keiji before Konoha has the chance to dismiss them, shouting frantically and then changing the subject - into meaningless, celebratory yelling - when Bokuto comes up behind them, strong arms shaking from adrenaline as they wrap around everyone in reach, yelling in Keiji’s ear. Keiji flinches, but his cheeks are still flushed with excitement; from the game, and from Bokuto’s successful turn-around. Keiji had sworn after their first match together that he would never let Bokuto blame himself or his moods for one of their losses ever again, but once again, that hadn’t been necessary.

The team is full of non-stop chatter as they head back to the changing rooms, accosted occasionally by classmates and other fans who want to congratulate them. Keiji can’t really make out what anyone is saying, and doesn’t particularly want to, choosing instead to muse on Sarukui’s teasing.

It’s something that’s come up before - a recurring joke, Keiji supposes. He never holds back his feelings about Bokuto, and he’s always one of the first to leap to their captain’s defence, but - purely by coincidence, Keiji maintains - Bokuto’s never been around to hear any of Keiji’s epideictics. It’s not about preserving Bokuto’s ego, or harming it, but Keiji has always been sure that Bokuto doesn’t need to hear such praise from him. The nature of the affection between them has always been clear in Keiji’s actions.

Then again, Konoha wasn’t the only one who made comments telling Keiji it was alright if he ‘ignored’ Bokuto, or telling him he must have the patience of a saint to ‘deal with’ him, and if everyone else believed the contrary, maybe the evidence would become easier to dismiss.

They have some time before their next match, and once everyone is changed the whole team rushes towards the canteen, desperate to replenish their calories. Keiji’s own stomach is growling, but his resolution is fading fast, and so he taps Sarukui on the shoulder.

“Could you purchase lunch for me, senpai?” he asks. “I want to discuss something with Bokuto-san.”

On hearing his name, Bokuto looks around, bounding up to Akaashi on his toes. Sarukui looks between them, smiling.

“Sure,” he says. “Captains’ meeting, right? You want me to get something for you too, Bokuto?”

Bokuto nods, and Keiji can tell he’s already starting to panic about what Keiji might want to say to him. He probably thinks that it’s a criticism of his performance, or a demand for him to take more responsibility as captain.

Those thoughts make Keiji frown. Perhaps he is a little more inclined to be strict with Bokuto to his face than he might have supposed.

Keiji leads Bokuto into a small supply room next to the canteen. It’s been emptied out - the centre isn’t being used for anything but nationals matches for the next few days - and the sound from the canteen and other gyms is more muted, allowing Keiji to hear himself think. Bokuto follows sheepishly, chewing on his lip.

“I wanted to tell you that you did a good job today, Bokuto-san,” Keiji begins, and Bokuto’s shoulders draw back, nose lifting proudly.

“Of course!” he says, “I wouldn’t let you down - wait, is that it?”

“Somewhat…” Keiji concedes, suddenly self conscious.

“You could have said that in front of everyone else, Akaashi… It would have been better, even - Konoha’s been giving me a hard time, you know.”

“I know,” Keiji tries again. “That’s part of the reason I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to make it clear to you that you’re doing well, and you’re not a burden.”

“A...what?” Bokuto says, looking nervous now. It’s clear he’s feigning ignorance, and Keiji huffs through his nose, frustrated.

“I know you aren’t deaf, Bokuto-san,” Keiji says. It’s probably better to spell it out for Bokuto, and to lay all of his cards on the table, whilst he’s in the mood for brutal honesty. “You’re not stupid, either, even if you sometimes pretend to be. It’s impossible for you to not be aware about what our teammates say about you - and our relationship.”

Keiji sees Bokuto’s shoulders slump, but he forces them back up just as quickly, laughing uncomfortably and scratching the nape of his neck. “Haha, yeah, Akaashi, I know. I’m pretty lucky you came along, actually… if you weren’t around to ‘manage’ me or whatever I probably wouldn’t have been either captain or ace this year.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“No, really!” Bokuto looks at him, shuffling his feet and shoving his hands into the pockets of his hooded jacket. “I gotta thank you for that. I never really do, because it’s - well I don’t wanna admit that that’s what’s going on, but…” he shrugs again, and Keiji doesn’t think he’s ever seen Bokuto so subdued. This isn’t what he wanted when he’d decided to talk to him.

“Bokuto-san.” Keiji speaks firmly, the way he does when they’re two points down and flagging, when he really needs Bokuto to listen to him. Bokuto snaps to attention instinctively, and then catches himself, flushing, but he’s still looking at Keiji, and that’s all that he needs. “I don’t ‘manage’ you. There’s so much of you that if I wanted to, I would fail miserably and probably go mad trying to even begin.” Bokuto’s lip wobbles, and Keiji holds up a finger. “I’m not finished. I don’t manage you, Bokuto-san, because there’s nothing to manage. Nothing that you can’t manage yourself, if you’re only given the environment you need to flourish in. And that’s…” 

God, Keiji’s words are getting the better of him. This is why he would never ordinarily try to express himself - he gets caught up in the poetry of Bokuto’s existence, and he’s never been eloquent or shameless enough to follow it through.

“...That’s what I’m trying to do. Not adequately by far, of course - you have so much untapped potential that I’m sure once you reach university level someone more qualified than me will be able to discover - but I want you to be able to grow, and, more selfishly, I want to be the one that helps you do that. This...partnership we have, and everything that’s come of it, it’s all a result of me trying to understand you better.” Keiji meets Bokuto’s startled eyes, feeling the heat on his own cheeks and pulling at his knuckles to stop himself from reaching for Bokuto’s arm. Keiji’s voice drops, soft and wistful, speaking more openly than he ever has even to Sarukui, the only one willing to listen to Akaashi praise Bokuto without interruption. “I want to understand you better, so that I can see you when you’re your best self - like today. It’s really a privilege to witness something so incredible.”

Bokuto is still staring at him, and the intensity of what he just said dawns on Keiji with a cold abruptness, making his throat tighten and mouth run dry. Perhaps he should have waited until the environment was less emotionally charged, for a time when they weren’t in the midst of their final nationals together. He could have written a list, and then he wouldn’t have gotten off track.

No, Keiji thinks, steeling himself. Sarukui was right; Bokuto deserves to know what Keiji thinks of him. He still hasn’t spoken, though, and Keiji thinks he can almost see the cogs in Bokuto’s mind turning, processing everything that’s been said about him.

“ _ His already huge head would probably explode!” _ Keiji remembers Konoha commenting, and all of a sudden he is worried that that fear might have been literal.

“Akaashi…” Bokuto says, butchering Keiji’s surname even more with the strangled tone of his voice. His lip wobbles, eyes shining, and Keiji panics, wondering if he’s about to cry. He hadn’t prepared for this. Instead, though, Bokuto surges forward, and Keiji tenses on instinct, blinking in surprise when Bokuto hugs him, squeezing hard.

“Oh my god, Akaashi…” Bokuto says, burying his nose in Keiji’s neck and sending Keiji’s mind reeling, “I love you.”

Oh, Keiji thinks, relieved. He’s not upset.

_ Oh _ . 

One of Keiji’s arms begins to raise, tentatively moving to reciprocate the embrace, but then Bokuto pulls back, swearing emphatically and bringing his arm to his mouth, biting the inside of his elbow.

“Oh, shit,  _ shit _ ,” Bokuto says, shaking his head and stumbling backwards. There isn’t much space behind him, and he hits the wall, startling himself before shaking his head. “I didn’t mean that, Keiji, I just - uh -”

“You love me?” Keiji asks. He’s surprised at his own ability to keep his voice calm and level. It’s almost as though he’s asking about the weather. Bokuto looks lost and helpless, and Keiji can pinpoint the exact moment he concedes defeat, letting the wall take his weight and averting his eyes.

“I, uh, yeah,” Bokuto tells him, staring at a fixed point on the floor by Keiji’s feet. “I do. But it’s not a big deal, you know. I’m just happy to be your friend. And like, hearing you say that stuff about me...I got carried away and it just came out, alright? We should forget it and focus on the matches.”

“You love me.” Bokuto looks annoyed now, his brow furrowing, eyes flashing in frustration as he meets Keiji’s gaze again.

“Yes, okay? You don’t have to rub it in, please, god, let’s just forget it -”

“No.”

Keiji feels like he’s floating. So many things aren’t going according to plan. He made himself vulnerable, he spoke for too long, and now...this. Keiji’s hypotheticals have abandoned him, and he’s moving automatically now, stepping forward and reaching for Bokuto’s wrist even as he races to catch up his thoughts with this unprecedented scenario.

“No?” Bokuto’s voice is small, and his mouth is slightly parted, bottom lip shaking. Keiji can see the flare of Bokuto’s nostrils as he inhales deeply. He slides his hand down Bokuto’s wrist, fingers moving along his palm until they slide over his knuckles, gripping Bokuto’s hand and lifting it to his own chin.

Keiji’s hands are larger than Bokuto’s; he has longer fingers. It makes sense, and Keiji wonders why he never noticed it before now. It’s the kind of detail he would usually take note of.

“I don’t want to forget it.” Keiji tells Bokuto quietly. They’re alone, but not completely in private, and Keiji knows that someone could walk in at any moment, and that they’re on limited time. There’s so much more that needs to be said, now, and he can’t - he doesn’t have the words, isn’t prepared, and they’re at  _ nationals _ …

Keiji presses his lips to Bokuto’s fingers, wrapped loosely around his own, and Bokuto holds his breath. Keiji’s eyes are closed, and he takes a moment to just forget where they are, tuning out the noise in the canteen one room over.

“After we win nationals, let’s go out for yakiniku,” Keiji says, with as much reverence as he’d used whilst praising Bokuto earlier. He opens his eyes just in time to see Bokuto’s mouth break into an earsplitting grin, and can’t hold back his own smile, smaller and more secret but just as elated. “It’ll be my treat.”

Keiji holds Bokuto’s hand for a moment longer before turning away, heading back towards where their teammates are eating. A soft thrill runs through him as Bokuto races past them, making him shiver, and he fights back another smile - there’s no way Konoha or Sarukui wouldn’t ask him about it.

“Hey, guys!” Keiji hears Bokuto shout as he approaches the table, bursting with renewed energy. “Akaashi’s gonna take us all out for dinner!”

Keiji flinches, sitting down with a stern expression as all eyes turn to him eagerly, and Bokuto grins back at him, all faux-innocent and teasing and everything Keiji has grown to love. He sighs.

“I said if we  _ win, _ that is. So you’d all better work hard.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](http://twitter.com/deciduice) | [tumblr](http://deciduice.tumblr.com)


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